It has been ages I didn't write anything in here. Hmmmmm....hopefully I can be more discipline to write my personal blog everyday. Hopefully starting from today.....I will be "rajin" to write my this so call personal blog. Hahahahaa.....
This medium will be a place where I can share all my struggle journey to loose weight, also my working, my study and my motherhood life. I don't want to show people I am perfect or my way is the best way.....but all I want just to be me and telling you how can keep up with my hectic life...that's all.
Hopefully.....I still have the "rajiness" in me. Let's pray for that...hahahaha.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Thursday, October 13, 2011
My Journey.....to loose weight
Hi....
This is my 6th day without exercise....OMG!!! I mean, I really hate this so much, but nothing much I can do now. My health not allowing me extreme exercise for now.....but I do feel better today. Well really hope today is the day that I can start my exercise gear up....
Anyway...let me tell you a bit about what I am doing now......well my life as always, a bit of hectic, a bit of boring....but most of the time I am blessed with all I have. I am on Semester break right now...Wooohoooo....no assignments for now....but not for long. My class will be starting soon. It's ok...coz I do really love my student life. MISS THAT LIFE SO MUCH!!!
It has been more or less 49 days, I do this crazy program called P90X!!! This is an extreme home fitness program. Trust me when I said the 1st week of this program felt more like torturing camp for me. All my muscles hurt, I was barely walking..... Push ups?!! Well what is that?!!! but I've learn slowly from this program.
After phase 1: I lost 3 kg nothing much really happen, according to the numbers of my weight scale....not very kind to me! But it's different with the numbers of my measuring tape, and my old clothes. Lurve the changes so much.....really boost my energy level and what most important is my confident level. The 1st thing that I did, after I see the changes is cutting my hair to Rihana hairstyle....I can see how my face shrink, no more wiggly double chin fat hanging. I do feel more beautiful....love the changes so much.
Still more to go....I am in phase 2 now. Hopefully I can get what ever I want and what I always dream on.... =)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
A Letter to Heaven.....
Yesterday I received an email from my friend....about a son sent a letter to his beloved long lost mother. And it touch me really deep....
LETTERS TO HEAVEN, FROM SON TO MOM
> 4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how
> does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must
> be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking
> care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have,
> as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional
> needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.
>
> There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I
> had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that
> there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after
> informing my sleepy child.
>
> With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am
> home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So
> with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the
> room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention
> of just having a well-deserved sleep, all I heard and felt was broken
> porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the
> source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess
> on the bedsheet and blanket!
>
> Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged
> straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a
> good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short
> explanation:
>
> "Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were
> not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I
> remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any
> adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from
> the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me.
> However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under
> the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you
> 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."
>
> At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't
> want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried
> with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went
> towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him,
> while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the
> bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's
> room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little
> buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.
>
> A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to
> focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to
> most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating
> from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting
> impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.
>
> However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time,
> his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from
> school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to
> explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling
> out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily
> playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell
> out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But
> after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by
> his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the
> reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....
>
> Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten
> has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to
> himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure,
> would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud
> too!
>
> Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's
> winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in
> every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my
> son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's
> work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was
> also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to
> post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise
> never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that
> thi s child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he
> apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I
> pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the
> letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on
> his prank, during this time of the year.
>
> His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.
>
> My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to
> ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's
> reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I
> reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able
> to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I
> could reach it and I sent it all at once..."
>
> After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to
> say.....
>
> I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if
> you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach
> mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacifi ed and calm, and soon
> after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters
> on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the
> letter before they turn to ash.
>
> And one of the letters broke my heart....
>
> Dear Mummy,
>
> I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the
> school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did
> not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was
> afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went
> around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of
> the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was
> furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell
> him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he
> think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in h is room. I think
> we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But
> Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my
> dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you
> fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see
> the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?
>
> After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace
> the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....
>
> For the females with children:
>
> Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some
> kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem.
> Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to
> the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take
> care of your little precious.
>
> For the married men:
>
> Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even
> business nor clients.
> Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are
> totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In
> this society, no one is indispensable.
>
> Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little
> precious and your loved ones.
I can feel how hard, the feeling loosing your love one....it doesn't whether it's ur wife, husband, daughter, son, mother or father. I looked at my daughters last night, and I always in the same situation of the father faced....going back from wok, tired and ready to sleep....but the kids, still so busy, hungry and need the attentions. I admit that I always lost my temper just because of I am so tired. My Everything
LETTERS TO HEAVEN, FROM SON TO MOM
> 4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how
> does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must
> be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking
> care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have,
> as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional
> needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.
>
> There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I
> had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that
> there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after
> informing my sleepy child.
>
> With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am
> home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So
> with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the
> room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention
> of just having a well-deserved sleep, all I heard and felt was broken
> porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the
> source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess
> on the bedsheet and blanket!
>
> Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged
> straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a
> good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short
> explanation:
>
> "Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were
> not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I
> remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any
> adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from
> the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me.
> However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under
> the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you
> 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."
>
> At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't
> want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried
> with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went
> towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him,
> while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the
> bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's
> room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little
> buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.
>
> A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to
> focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to
> most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating
> from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting
> impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.
>
> However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time,
> his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from
> school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to
> explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling
> out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily
> playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell
> out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But
> after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by
> his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the
> reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....
>
> Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten
> has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to
> himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure,
> would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud
> too!
>
> Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's
> winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in
> every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my
> son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's
> work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was
> also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to
> post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise
> never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that
> thi s child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he
> apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I
> pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the
> letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on
> his prank, during this time of the year.
>
> His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.
>
> My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to
> ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's
> reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I
> reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able
> to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I
> could reach it and I sent it all at once..."
>
> After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to
> say.....
>
> I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if
> you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach
> mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacifi ed and calm, and soon
> after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters
> on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the
> letter before they turn to ash.
>
> And one of the letters broke my heart....
>
> Dear Mummy,
>
> I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the
> school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did
> not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was
> afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went
> around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of
> the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was
> furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell
> him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he
> think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in h is room. I think
> we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But
> Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my
> dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you
> fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see
> the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?
>
> After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace
> the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....
>
> For the females with children:
>
> Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some
> kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem.
> Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to
> the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take
> care of your little precious.
>
> For the married men:
>
> Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even
> business nor clients.
> Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are
> totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In
> this society, no one is indispensable.
>
> Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little
> precious and your loved ones.
I can feel how hard, the feeling loosing your love one....it doesn't whether it's ur wife, husband, daughter, son, mother or father. I looked at my daughters last night, and I always in the same situation of the father faced....going back from wok, tired and ready to sleep....but the kids, still so busy, hungry and need the attentions. I admit that I always lost my temper just because of I am so tired. My Everything
Yes, I am not proud to say that I can be so fierce when I become too tired.....
Kids always be a kid..... and yes I do feel sometimes that they don't understand....what's life I am facing everyday in the office. Then I do realise that is their fault why I feel so exhausted or mad, it's my fault for not leaving the problem outside the house. Because they don't deserve for being treated that way just because of I am mad with my boss or my colleagues or just because of my hormones.
 |
| This is kakak |
 |
| This is Adik |
At home is my duty to entertain them, because they are my duty, my life, my precious and my everything to focus on. The letter really wake me up....how much time that I have to spend with my family, I don't know and no one knows....may be 1 day, 1 month or 1 year, and till the day come I have to make use every moment I have to kiss, hug, and to tell them that I love them so much and they mean world to me. Forever and ever.....
Friday, November 19, 2010
Assignment!!! What Should I do now?
It has been almost a month I became a student....but I haven't touch any of my books, assignments....not even math or english (my essay assignment). Yeap....I know I am the worst student ever.
If I say that I have tone of work...well I guess the other students just same as me. So I would say this actually my problem not other things around me.
If I say that I have tone of work...well I guess the other students just same as me. So I would say this actually my problem not other things around me.
 |
| wish that I can sit and think like her.... |
Now I am starting to crack my head off to come out with an english essay. But now I am stuck with the words fashion or technology. I just can't think anything about fashion or technology right now. Oh God!!! What should I do....I really to pass this semester...I really need this to boost up my daughter learning interest...since what she can think of right now is...studying is boring.
Well I can't blame her for that....just look at me now. I am just doing nothing...so what should I do now?
Ok this is what I should do take a pen and start to write, about the chosen topic....I have to do it today. Yearp...I need to do it now!!!
Well I can't blame her for that....just look at me now. I am just doing nothing...so what should I do now?
Ok this is what I should do take a pen and start to write, about the chosen topic....I have to do it today. Yearp...I need to do it now!!!
Friday, October 29, 2010
I am a student....Degree Student
Hoooray, I am student now....as for now still happy to be student. Yearp, still long way to go and still many years to face, hopefully I am strong enough to face it. Last 22nd October 2010, I got my UUM offer letter, from UUM representative, and I heard my name was called I was so happy and at same the time I feel so touched...finally I am a student after 10 years leaving my previous education days.
 |
| This is me and my friends.... |
My classes started last Saturday and Sunday (luckily not until 12 midnight). Anyway...it's fun being an old student. Hehehehehe. I do feel a bit reluctant to leave my daughters on weekends but I do what I got to do. Thank goodness, I only need to attend the classes only once month, thank you, thank you, thank you.
When I think about it, I was like what am I doing to myself. I mean...I don't even have time for my kids, for my family even for myself...and now I am fit in something in between the time is barely there. Hmmm...I just have to be strong. Still I work hard to pursue my dream in "make up", I really love the arts' of make up and how make up can really change someone's look, by using just brushes and eyeshadows. Can I juggle all that with all the burden that already there on my shoulder. Just pray only for the best.
I hope my spirit, my hard work will be appreciated by my daughters and wish that I am good enough to be their role model.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
I am just a normal momma...
I was 25 years old when I have my 1st precious princess, then all my life change. My focus just my family, my daughter.... I like being mother and all I did just entertaining her and gave the best for her.
Then 3 years later, another beautiful princess came.... just like everybody said the more the merrier....well it's tue my life become merrier, noisier....I got my migraine but still I love I have now. Everything I do just for them...because they are my world and my focus.
Yeap...sometimes I do feel that I lost my freedom, but then I remember I lost the what so called freedom when I decided to get married. My babies are growing up now, and I have my dreams.
These are my dreams:
This blog just a place for me to tell and to share about parenting, and how I pursue my dreams, that's all.
I am not prefect.... yes far from that word. Just trying to be good momma to my girls....
and I dedicated this for them.
Then 3 years later, another beautiful princess came.... just like everybody said the more the merrier....well it's tue my life become merrier, noisier....I got my migraine but still I love I have now. Everything I do just for them...because they are my world and my focus.
Yeap...sometimes I do feel that I lost my freedom, but then I remember I lost the what so called freedom when I decided to get married. My babies are growing up now, and I have my dreams.
These are my dreams:
- I want to have my make up empire
- I want to be make up artist
- I want to have my own make up line
- and I want to get my Degree..Master and hope still have time to get my Phd.
This blog just a place for me to tell and to share about parenting, and how I pursue my dreams, that's all.
I am not prefect.... yes far from that word. Just trying to be good momma to my girls....
and I dedicated this for them.
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